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I would like to offer a few thoughts I have on some real and very practical subjects that our church family, and perhaps our site visitors, just might find helpful. We all struggle with the decisions we make and sometimes suffer needlessly in trying to cope with those decisions.
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I would like to offer a few thoughts on the issue of divorce and make some suggestions as to how we, as a church family, can help those who have either experienced divorce or may be considering divorce.
Divorce
And how the Church is to help a hurting people
Alan Kozlow
Notice! You must read this entire article to completely understand its contents.
The Sinful World We Live In
When Adam violated the known will of God in the Garden of Eden (Gen. 3:1-7) he sentenced all of his posterity to a life of pain and suffering. As the representative father of the human race, the sin of Adam became the sin of all in principle.
Therefore, just as through one man sin entered the world, and death through sin, and thus death spread to all men, because all sinned[1] (Rom.
The immediate punishment for Adam and his wife Eve was an expulsion from the Garden of Eden with the prohibition not to eat of the Tree of Life. Having rebelled and eaten of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, God knew they would rebel again and eat of the Tree of Life and live forever in a fallen state. So the Lord placed a cherub with a flaming sword on the road leading into the Garden. Adam and Eve and their descendents would have to live in a post-paradise world.
Part of the experience of the post-paradise period decreed by God was conflict. In the act of administering divine justice upon all who took part in the Great Rebellion, the Lord made certain there would be tension between good and evil.
And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your seed and her Seed; He shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise His heel. (Gen.3:15)
Rather than become partners with Satan in sin, the Sovereign God placed a natural hostility between the Devil and now fallen men. One reason for this line of spiritual demarcation was because the Lord was determined to redeem souls for Himself and be glorified through the manifestation of grace and mercy. Where sin abounded, grace would much more abound. (Rom.
It was in the Garden of Eden that the first wedding took place. It was a very lovely and tender moment when God presented Eve to Adam who had just awakened from a deep sleep.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. (Gen. 2:21-22)
When Adam saw Eve, there was love at first sight.
And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man”. (Gen. 2:23)
Having brought Adam and Eve together the Lord instituted the home for children, grand-children and great-children were anticipated.
Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Gen. 2:24)
The divine ideal of love and happiness between a man and a woman based on intimacy and mutual respect was shattered with a single sin. All the good that God intended for the crowning act of creation was tarnished by the transgression. There would still be marriage, but not in
When the Heart is Hardened
Today, the world is still held in the stronghold of sin. (2 Cor. 4:4) Mankind still exists in a post-paradise period with all of its complexity and concerns, including divorce. Divorce represents dissolution of the divine ideal. Divorce is a multiplication of the woman’s sorrows. Divorce speaks of broken homes and wounded hearts. Divorce produces abandoned children. And God hates divorce. (Mal. 2:13-16) God hates all of the sin involved that leads up to divorce. And yet, God has permitted divorce in the post-paradise period because of the hardness of the human heart. (Matt. 19:8) The challenge for society in general and the Church in particular is to return to the divine ideal. Having said that, there is another challenge for Church and that is to deal realistically and compassionately with those who find themselves contemplating divorce, going through a divorce, or recovering from the divorce procedure. The Church must understand that divorce is the Divine concession for dealing with a facet of human failure.
How Do We Help The Hurting?
Unfortunately, over the centuries, the Church at large has come to treat marriage in a very simplistic manner. Rooted in romanticism, the concept has been embraced that a man and a woman are attracted to each other, grow to love one another, and live together in the holy state of matrimony for ever. If the love in the marriage dies out, the vows of matrimony are still to be honored. And if there is lack of genuine affection, if there is lack of proper provision, and if there is lack of communication, that is just the burdens of a bad choice, for divorce and re-marriage is equivalent to committing adultery. Theoretically, spousal abuse and every form of aberration are to be endured. If the situation becomes unbearable or physically dangerous, a separation might be allowed, but no further action is to be tolerated by the Church. Certainly the Christian is not to initiate a divorce and definitively they are not to re-marry as long as the former spouse is unmarried or alive.
We Are Being Pulled Two Directions
Certainly the heart of any conservative Christian gravitates towards the romantic view of marriage with the state of wedlock idealized. Unquestionably the heart of the conservative Christian abhors any activity that would undermine or destroy the bonds of matrimony. After all, marriage is designed to be permanent. (Matt. 19:16) Therefore, for many, a biblical divorce and remarriage is not allowed for any reason other than adultery. (Matt. 5:31, 32) And even where there is adultery, some would not allow a re-marriage to take place as long as the other spouse is unmarried or alive. (
No Obligation to Marry
Though the Bible assumes that people will marry, it is not mandatory to do so. In fact, the state of celibacy is highly recommended in Scripture reflected by the life of Paul and Christ. Since Paul was a devout Pharisee it is possible that he was married at least for a while, for he was a member of the Sanhedrin and that was a pre-requisite. But Paul did not re-marry in order to concentrate on his work for the Lord. (1 Cor. 7:22, 23) Paul referred to the state of singleness as a gift from God (1 Cor. 7:7) which not everyone had. The Lord spoke with favor of those who remained celibate for the sake of the kingdom. (Matt. 9:12) Having said that, it is also to be noted that a sign of false doctrine being taught is that of forbidding people to get married. (1 Tim. 4:3)
Marriage as a Covenant
For many Christians in the Western world steeped with romantic and idealistic concepts of marriage, the thought that Jewish marriages were contractual by nature is revolutionary. The implication of this social arrangement is obvious. If a contract is violated it is broken. If a contract is broken it is null and void. And that is exactly how the Bible looks upon the marriage covenant or contract. The marriage covenant is either honored or dishonored. Sin causes people to dishonor their vows of commitment one towards another. Of course, God hates the breaking of the marriage covenant and says so in unmistakable terms. (Mal. 2:14, 16) However, it is crucial to note that marriage was regarded in the Scriptures as a “covenant.”
“When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,” says the Lord God. (Ezek. 16:8)
The Teaching of Jesus
With a general background of the Jewish culture in mind, it will be easier to grasp the New Testament teaching on divorce and re-marriage. Perhaps a good starting point in the study is to cite the teachings of Christ in particular on this topic before proceeding to the Pauline epistles.
Matthew 5:31-32
“Furthermore it has been said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’ “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.
Matthew 19:3-12
The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘ made them male and female, ’ “and said, ‘ For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh ’? “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.” His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: “For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.”
Mark 10:2-12
The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him. And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.” And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. “But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, ‘ and the two shall become one flesh ’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. “And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
Luke 16:18.
Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced from her husband commits adultery.
What’s going on here?
In the twenty-four verses that summarize the Lord’s teaching on divorce, it is obvious that a scholarly debate of some sort was in progress, with political and social implications. Both Matthew and Mark note that the Pharisees initiated the debate with the Lord while He was traveling through Perea—the
But even if that did not happen, the Pharisees were still interested in involving Christ in controversy with some of the Rabbinic Schools. A record of that debate can be found in the Mishnah, which is a collection of the early literary efforts of the Pharisees. The Mishnah, which is the most ancient part of the Jewish Talmud, originally reflected the memorable summaries of the significant debates on the meaning of the Law by the rabbis.
The Teachers don’t agree
There were two leading rabbinic schools that were followed founded by two great rabbis, Hillel and Shammai. They lived a century before Christ. Because the people respected their religious teachers they were allowed to settled social disputes and pass judgment on legal questions including divorce. Appealing to Deuteronomy 24:1, Hillel and his followers made great allowances for divorce while Shammai and his followers did not. According to the Mishnah: The Party of Shammai says: A man may not divorce his wife unless he find indecency in her, for it says: ‘because he finds something indecent about her’ (Deut. 24:1) In contrast, the Party of Hillel stated that a man could divorce his wife even if she spoiled the broth, for it says; [any] matter. (Deut. 24:1)
During the days of Christ, the differences between the two schools of thought were still being hotly debated. Jesus was tempted by the Pharisees to side with one or the other. The ultimate question is this: what constitutes a legitimate divorce?
Four Biblical Grounds for Divorce
Before examining the Lord’s response to the tempting question of the Pharisees, it would be profitable to note that the rabbis did agree on at least four grounds for divorce based on two passages of Scripture: Deuteronomy 24:1 and Exodus 21:10-11. The four uncontested grounds for divorce were (1) illegitimate sexual activity, (2) failure to provide food, (3) failure to provide clothing and, (4) failure to provide physical affection. While the privilege of divorce was historically reserved for the man, by the time of Christ it was possible for women to petition a rabbinic court to consider her domestic situation. If she could prove that her husband neglected to meet her needs or to love her, the court could compel the husband to grant the wife a certificate of divorce. Though this happened very rarely, it could be done.
Low Effort Divorce
Because it was difficult to prove adultery, most people preferred to use the Hillelite court for divorce, which allowed divorce for any matter. Even Joseph chose to use the Hillelite divorce when he thought Mary had been unfaithful to him during the betrothal period. Not wanting to place Mary before the public in disgrace, Joseph, being a just and righteous man, determined to divorce her quietly. (Matt. 1:19) It can be argued that, by pursuing this form of divorce Joseph was not only gracious but was acting in a morally superior manner
What About Remarriage After Divorce?
When a divorce did take place on Scriptural grounds, there was freedom to remarry. On this point the Scriptures are clear.
“When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, “when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife.” (Deut. 24:1, 2)
Notice the three stages in the process.
Each of these steps took time and delayed the process of divorce in thereby demonstrating the seriousness of the situation, allowing emotions to subside, and providing opportunity for reconsideration by all involved. In the end, the certificate of divorce was important not only because it freed the individual for remarriage but also, for the woman, the certificate was a legal document that gave her the right to a dowry. The dowry of a woman had to be returned to her if she were divorced for any reason other than sexual unfaithfulness. If the sexual unfaithfulness took the form of adultery, the woman was to be stoned. (Deut. 22:22) The custom was for the husband to obtain from the rabbis—who were always involved in the whole process of divorce—a Deed of Quittance stating that he had repaid her dowry. (Mishnah Ketubah 9.9)
An Important Question
Because divorce did provide the right to re-marry, multitudes who found themselves in an unhappy marriage eagerly sought to be free again to choose another spouse. Appealing to the rabbis for guidance many men desired to legitimize putting away their wives for any and every cause no matter how ridiculous the “cause” might be. It is that point which became the focus of controversy. One day, during the ministry of Christ, a group of Pharisees approached Him, tempting him, and saying unto him,
The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?” (Matt. 19:3)
Rather than avoid the question the Lord gave His answer.
And He answered and said to them, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘ made them male and female, ’ “and said, ‘ For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh ’? “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. “And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery”. (Matt.
Reaffirmation of the Fundamentals of Marriage
In His response to the inquiry of the Pharisees the Lord reaffirmed the original design of marriage. He reminds His hearers that God intended marriage to be lifelong and monogamous. Therefore, polygamy, which the Jews still practiced, was not part of the original will of God. Appealing to Scripture, the Lord quoted Genesis 1:27 but in so doing added His own divine commentary by inserting the word “two”:
and the two shall become one flesh (Matt. 19:5b)
The original Hebrew text does not have the word “two.” By injecting this word into the quotation the Lord was reminding everyone that marriage was made for two people and no more. Then, to strengthen this point Christ went on to say that when a couple comes together they are one flesh and,
Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. (Matt. 19:6b)
Nothing could be said more clearly that the divine ideal is for marriage to be between two people for life. (Gen. 2:24; Mark 10:7)
Pressing the Point
Not satisfied with the Lord’s initial response, the Pharisees pressed their point as to the lawfulness of divorce for any reason by asking,
They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?” (Matt. 19:7)
Now the Pharisees have gone too far and Jesus calls attention to that fact. Moses did not “command” anything. Divorce was already widely practiced when the Law was given. What Moses did, by divine authority, was to regulate the hardness of the human heart by permitting men to divorce their wives.
He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so”. (Matt. 19:8)
With these words Jesus once more restates the divine ideal but He also concedes that there is a basis for divorce because of the hardness of the heart. What is the basis for divorce? “Fornication.” But what is fornication? The word is porneia in Greek and refers to sexual indecency. That is significant. The term does not refer to “indecency” in general nor to “any matter” whatsoever. It is very precise terminology and for that reason the people were shocked when they heard that the Master said the only basis to set the law in motion was if some sort of sexual indecency was found in the spouse. Even the disciples were amazed at this answer. In private they came to the Christ to ask for clarification.
His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” (Matt.
Rather than back down on His proclamation the Lord said unto the disciples,
But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given: “For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it”. (Matt. 19:11-12)
The reason why the disciples were surprised by the Lord’s answer to the Pharisee was because it was the general practice and opinion of the culture that any marriage could be terminated at will. If marriages could not be terminated for any cause maybe it was better if men did not marry! And Jesus agreed! In fact, He noted that some people might choose to remain celibate for the sake of the gospel. Of course, not all can do that and so most will marry. But the point is established: when asked a specific question about a specific situation, divorce for any cause, Christ said that divorce was not open-ended. There had to be a specific good reason for divorce proceedings.
Did Jesus forbid Divorce?
Care must be taken now not to read more into the Lord’s teaching than is warranted. This teaching of Christ takes place within the whole context of the whole Word of God. The Bible says of itself that:
All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, (2 Tim.
Therefore, the teaching of Christ must not be made to conflict with the teaching of Moses or the teaching of Paul. In other words, it must not be assumed that Christ forbade divorce and remarriage. It must not be assumed that the Scriptures have nothing more to say on the topic. They do. What Christ did in the Gospels was to regulate divorce and remarriage in accordance with the Law of Moses. The words of the Lord upheld Deuteronomy 24:1.
A Summary of the Savior’s Teaching on Divorce
From the biblical narrative, it is evident that Christ did not forbid divorce as much as He emphasized the divine ideal that marriage should be life-long. Jesus did condemn all divorces that were based upon a loose interpretation of Deuteronomy 24:1 offered by the followers of Hillel. In condemning a loose interpretation of the Law, Christ condemned many of the divorces common at that time. He pointed out that individuals were in essence committing a form of adultery. Adultery (sexual sin with a married person) could be charged because the previous marriage was not properly dissolved. The Pharisees were shocked as were the disciples but Jesus did not retract what He had said. Yes, divorce was permitted by Moses, but only because of the hardness of the human heart. Yes, a person who got a divorce on valid grounds was free to remarry. No, divorce is not the divine ideal. Marriage was designed by God to last for a lifetime between two people. However, divorce is not sinful. Divorce is the divine solution to human sin and weakness. Divorce is not sin. Rather, the sin is in the hardness of the heart leading to the legal proceedings. If Deuteronomy 24:1 is appealed to as the basis of divorce then there must be some sort of sexual uncleanness. If there is no sexual uncleanness then Deuteronomy 24:1 cannot be used to justify a divorce for any cause.
A Wary Word
Care must be taken that the ‘exception clause’ not be illegitimately pressed so that it comes into conflict with other passages that teach on the subject of divorce and remarriage. Specifically, Paul’s exception in 1 Corinthians 7 allows a non-Christian to divorce a Christian with the believer being free to re-marry, but only in the Lord. If the teaching of Jesus is restricted to one reason for divorce, adultery, then there is conflict between Paul and Christ.
A Bona-Fide Inquiry
Having asked their question about the lawfulness of divorce for any cause, the Pharisees ended their questioning of the Lord. They had their answer regarding Deuteronomy 24:1. However, another legitimate inquiry does arise. A new question comes, not from the Pharisees of old, but from members of our churches today. The question of concern is this:
If Jesus upheld a valid divorce and remarriage based upon Deuteronomy 24:1 while reminding people of the divine ideal concerning matrimony, are there other grounds for divorce and remarriage mentioned in Scripture that the Lord might have upheld if asked about?
Without being rude the answer is a simple, Yes, and for good reason. The Bible teaches that the Lord did not come to destroy the Law but to fulfill it. (Matt. 5:17) The Law provided three other bases for a valid divorce to take place other than sexual indecency. With a valid divorce came the right to remarry. The three provisions are found in Exodus 21:10-11:
If he takes another wife, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights. And if he does not do these three for her, then she shall go out free, without paying money.
If these things were not fulfilled, then a valid divorce could take place with the freedom to remarry. The Jews were not trying to read more into a passage than was warranted, but they did search for general principles on which to base their daily decisions. Exodus 21:10-11 offered general principles of personal conduct within marriage because it is the only passage in the Old Testament which supplies specific details on this matter. So, all total, when Exodus 21:10-11 was united with Deuteronomy 24:1, there were four duties within marriage: sexual fidelity, sufficient food, decent clothing, and appropriate physical affection.
The New Testament Interprets the Old Testament
When Jesus taught on divorce He did so in a response to a specific question raised about
Deuteronomy 24:1. When Jesus taught about divorce He upheld the validity of a divorce—with the right to remarry—provided that a valid reason was provided in the form of sexual indecency. But there is more to be learned about biblical divorce and remarriage from the apostle Paul who had to deal with the subject because of issues within the Church in
The Corinthian’s Were in a Tight Spot
Paul’s teaching on marital problems arose because of a social crisis within the local assembly of believers in
The word for “touch” in this passage is the term meaning sexual intercourse. Apparently, some Christians at
There were the priests of Artemis who had themselves castrated while the priestesses remained virgins. There were the Pharisees who engaged in discussions about the appropriate time to cease from sex. There were Greek Gnostics in
In contrast to these over-reacting religious groups, Paul believed legitimate sex was to be a vital part of a healthy marriage. He did not encourage a withholding of natural sexual desires but an expression of them within marriage.
Sex is Good!
Agreeing that a state of celibacy would be good in order to advance the work of the gospel freely (1 Cor.
Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband (1 Cor. 7:2)
Paul continues. Within the marriage relationship,
Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. (1 Cor. 7:3)
In plain language, spouses are not supposed to withhold physical affection from each other. The Law of God (Ex.
The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does . And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. (1 Cor. 7:4)
Because this is true, there is to be long term acts of physical separation unless there is mutual consent for spiritual activity. (1 Cor. 7:5) But even when there is mutual consent, there is to be a return to the bedroom
Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor. 7:5)
Paul felt that his counsel was wise, even though it had not been commanded by any specific teaching of Christ. In fact, if the truth were told, Paul felt that a state of celibacy was preferable, in order to labor more diligently for the Lord whose return was near. (1 Cor. 7:29-31) Following this pattern, to the unmarried and to the widows, the apostle advises marriage if the gift of celibacy is not present. (1 Cor. 7:8, 9)
It is better to marry than to burn with unsatisfied sensual longings. Wives in particular are to remember that and return to their husbands. (1 Cor. 7:10) It is the will of the Lord.
However, if a married woman does depart from her husband in order to avoid sexual
contact, she is to remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband. (1 Cor. 7:11)
And a husband is not to divorce his wife. (1 Cor. 7:11b)
The reason is obvious. Christians are to be reconciled. Christians are to love each other. And Christian spouses are to love each other intimately. It is true that the Law would have allowed a divorce on the basis of lack of affection (Ex.
Less Than Ideal Marriages
From the specific situation of Christian spouses defrauding one another sexually, the apostle turns to another situation believing that he has the mind of Christ. (1 Cor. 7:12a) The apostle deals with those situations that involve a marriage of an unbeliever with a believer. The first situation concerned a Christian man married to an unbelieving wife. What should be done? The apostolic answer is this. If the unsaved wife is pleased to dwell with the Christian man in marriage, he is not to divorce her. Lack of salvation is not a ground for a valid divorce. (1 Cor. 7:12) There is something else. It is possible that the believing husband might lead his unconverted wife to faith. (1 Cor. 7:16) The second situation concerned a believing wife married to an unsaved husband. If the unconverted husband is pleased to stay married to his Christian wife, she is not to leave him (1 Cor.
But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace (1 Cor.
And if an unbelieving wife decides that she wants to divorce her Christian husband, then let her go.
A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. (1Cor. 7:15b)
The final situation Paul addresses is set against the dual situation that the return of Christ was near (1 Cor.
Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you. (1 Cor. 7:27, 28)
Marriage might bring its own pressure points (1 Cor.
Time is Short
Paul has discussed sexual depravation, given practical counsel concerning desertion by a marriage partner—let them go in peace—, suggested that a status quo would be practical during days of persecution, the apostle returns to a sense of urgency that the return of the Lord was to be realized in the near future. Because time was short, final preparations were to take place. (1 Cor. 7:29-31) By saying what he did, Paul did not mean to alarm anyone. (1 Cor. 7:32, 35) He was simply stating the obvious, especially in the sphere of marriage. The unmarried Christian is able to concentrate on the service of the Lord in a way that the married man cannot. (1 Cor. 7:32, 33) Likewise, a married woman is unable to concentrate on the Lord’s work in the same way that a virgin or an unmarried woman can. (1 Cor. 7:34) Nevertheless, despite the persecution and despite the soon coming of Christ, marriages are permissible. There is no sin. (1 Cor. 7:36-39) Finally, if a woman’s husband dies and she finds herself free to remarry, she might do so, but only in the Lord. (1 Cor. 7:39, 40) You kind of get the feeling that Paul wishes she would not.
So What?
What does all of this mean? First, it means that Paul had a high view of marriage despite the fact that divorce was rampant in Jewish, Greek, and Roman culture. Paul did not want women to divorce, nor did Paul want the husband to divorce. (1 Cor. 7:10, 11; Mark
Practical Application Concerning the end of a Marriage
While not every method for terminating a marriage in Scripture is called divorce, the term is convenient as the Church struggles with practical application of proper divorce principles for recognizing the end of a marriage.
Divorce by death
The most common form of divorce provided for in Scripture is divorce (or permanent separation) by death. (Rom. 7:2; 1 Cor. 7:39) This includes death from both natural
causes and by legal execution after due process of law. Historically the Church has recognized that the death of a spouse frees the person from that marriage bond with the right to remarry. Likewise, when a spouse has been convicted of a crime for which the Old Testament scriptures prescribe a capital punishment (adultery, homosexuality, premeditated murder, abortion, kidnapping etc.), a suggestion for the Church might be recognition of freedom from the marriage—if such recognition is sought—even though the civil courts may be negligent in understanding divine justice. Of course great care should be given in consideration of this proposal. There will always be an exception. For example, the cursing of a parent and the striking of the same might not mandate a capital punishment penalty since marriage changes that relationship. Then there is false religion. Under the Old Testament period there was a justifiable execution of a person for being a wizard, a false prophet, or an apostate. The New Testament teaching allows for the state of marriage to continue between a believer and an unbeliever.
Divorce by breach of contract
Many passages of scriptures view marriage as a social contract. Accordingly, the Law declares an obligation to provide food, raiment, and intimacy. (Deut. 24:1; Ex. 21:10,11) Though these provisions were for primarily intended for servants, the rabbis interpreted the Mosaic provisions in principle as being equally applicable to wives. The apostle Paul referred to this portion of the Law in 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 where a requirement of sexual relations and all due benevolence is specified as a responsibility to be performed within the marriage relationship. By way of application, any desertion of “bed and/or board” was—and still can be—viewed as a form of willful desertion. In such cases, the divorce is not to be contested and there is freedom to remarry for the innocent party.
Divorce by prohibition
Because certain types of marriages are inherently sinful, they are invalid and should be broken. This would include marriage within the bounds of certain bloodlines (father/daughter; brother/sister; mother/son, 1 Cor.
Divorce by Divine permission
This view of divorce refers to the single exception clause granted by Jesus as per Matthew 19:9. The Lord taught that marrying a woman who is divorced for invalid reasons or reasons other than fornication causes adultery because the basis of marriage is not authentic. In other words, a proper divorce has not taken place. Fornication includes many forms of illicit sexual intercourse. In Romans
What About Separation?
A viable alternative to divorce for many Christians is the idea of separation. However, today’s legal separation accomplishes nothing. In fact, the modern practice of marital separation works against lasting peace. Differences are not resolved, only avoided. A legal separation gives large sums of money to lawyers, separate dwelling places and all that goes into establishing an independent lifestyle. Separation is nothing more than a mutual decision to dishonor all marriage vows by deserting one another. When a couple separates, each spouse is consciously refusing material, financial, and emotional support for the other.
It Stands Written
There is one scenario in scripture that prohibits a remarriage between a man and his wife.
The text is Deuteronomy 24:1-4.
When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some uncleanness in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, 2 “when she has departed from his house, and goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 “ if the latter husband detests her and writes her a certificate of divorce, puts it in her hand, and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies who took her as his wife, 4 “ then her former husband who divorced her must not take her back to be his wife after she has been defiled; for that is an abomination before the Lord, and you shall not bring sin on the land which the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance.
When There is a Non-Biblical Divorce
What should leaders in the Church do when individuals get a divorce for non-biblical reasons? Several steps are suggested. Those who wrongfully pursue a divorce apart from biblical grounds must not be excused for what they have done; it is sin. But because it is sin it is forgivable upon confession.
If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
Those who have gotten a divorce on non-biblical grounds should be exhorted to repent of what they have done.
It Just Doesn’t Fit
The argument has been set forth that divorces today do not fit into any of the categories which Jesus addressed for the simple reason that today’s divorces are settled in a secular court while the Lord spoke of divorces which had gone through the Jewish ecclesiastical based legal system. This argument should not be dismissed too quickly. It is true that the Church has lost jurisdiction over the formal divorce proceedings. It is true that ministers are not involved in the whole process of the divorce proceeding in the same manner that the Jewish rabbis of old were. And it is true that few decisions are left to the Church. The Church still has the authority to (1) to administer Church discipline to those who transgress the policies and practices of the local assembly and (2) the Church has the authority to decide whether or not to perform a re-marriage for those who have been divorced. (3) The Church has the discretion to recognize the decisions of the secular court—which is precisely the point. Jesus says nothing about divorces that have been processed through a secular court because that was not an issue during His day. When Paul faced the situation of secular divorces he gave a clear ruling: the opinion of the secular court was to be honored. When
Those who wrongfully divorce should seek reconciliation with their former spouse and remain unmarried until that is accomplished, if possible. Realistically, in the majority of cases, it will not be possible to be reconciled to one’s spouse following a divorce. Nevertheless, an attempt should be made to right as much wrong as one can and in as many areas as possible.
There should be a refusal to indiscriminately remarry individuals who have been divorced. Careful consideration should be given to every request for marriage, but extra care is demanded in those situations involving a remarriage. Ultimately, a judgmental call will have to be made by the pastor. Difficult tasks cannot be avoided if the minister of the Gospel is to work with individuals in a fallen world. The Bible calls upon Christians to judge righteously and with compassion, not legalistically or self-righteously.
Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment. (John 7:24)
It would be easy for a Church to establish a marital standard so high that no one would ever be remarried by the pastor, but such a standard would do nothing to solving the long term consequences of divorce nor would it help to right any wrongs. It is far better to realize that divorce is not the unpardonable sin, nor is divorce itself a sin. The real sin is in the breakage of the marriage vows. Divorce is a divine remedy to human agony.
The Church can Help
Because the divorce procedure itself is not necessarily sinful, the Church can play a role in helping couples be reconciled even while they are in the process of finalizing their legal recourses.
But God has called us to peace. (1 Cor. 7:15)
The Church can and should receive the divorced into the fellowship, because no sin is too great for the grace of God. Certainly, those who have been divorced prior to salvation come into the Church no longer linked to their sin. Those who have been divorced after salvation should also enjoy Church forgiveness and acceptance based upon repentance. By having a gracious attitude towards individuals who have fallen into sin and been divorced the Church is not condoning broken marriages any more than Christ validated the lifestyle of the tax collectors and sinners when He engaged in fellowship with them. By His presence in the midst of men and women of known sin, the Lord called individuals to Himself and to a better way of life. The Lord did this, not by denunciation but by demonstration of divine goodness.
Now it happened, as Jesus sat at the table in the house, that behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat down with Him and His disciples. And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to His disciples, “Why does your Teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners?” When Jesus heard that, He said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. But go and learn what this means: I desire mercy and not sacrifice. For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.” (Matt. 9:10-13)
The Church can do much to reduce and eliminate divorces in marriages but especially within the body of Christ. The local assembly has a holy obligation to teach on marriage, and the home. Life experiences must be explored. Questions must be raised as to how time will be spent and what attitudes towards money will be expressed. Childhood experiences must be shared. Attitude towards sex is to be brought out. Because many couples do not talk about serious matters in depth during the dating period, there are many surprises after marriage, and bitter disappointment. The Church can help prepare people for marriage through the gift of teaching. In the process of teaching, the Church must reaffirm over and over again the biblical principles which under-gird marriage: faithfulness, emotional support, material support, and the honoring of one’s vows before God and man to “love, honor, and cherish” their partner until by death they do part.
Questions before Remarriage is Performed
If and when a remarriage is performed for a penitent person, wrongly divorced, some questions would be in order:
Have you asked the Lord to forgive you for your part in the events leading up to the divorce?
Have you sought forgiveness from those whom have been hurt?
Have you made every effort to be reconciled to others where possible?
Have you made every effort to right all wrongs within your power?
Have you assumed and fulfilled all legal obligations to the best of your ability?
Grace
Though divorce is allowed by Christ and by the apostle Paul under certain conditions, and though divorce is regulated by the Law of Moses and the principles in Scripture, it is not mandatory. Many spouses have found the inner strength and the grace of God to forgive those who have sinned against them by sexual unfaithfulness and multiple acts of cruelty. Given the condition of the human heart and its natural depravity (Jer. 17:9) the amazing thing is that there are not more divorces. The ethics of the Christian faith have gone a long way in minimizing the divorce rate, Jesus taught His followers to avoid lust outside of marriage (Matt.
Agonizing Souls
There is something to be said on this whole matter under discussion and it deals with a misconception by many that marriage is trivialized by divorce and is somehow an easy process. No doubt, for some, putting away their spouse may be an easy thing. However, the reality, for most people who have traveled the down the road of divorce, is that the whole experience is one of the most traumatic and agonizing processes that a person can ever endure in life. The average heart cannot help but hurt and hurt deeply when romantic hopes and dreams are shattered, children are made to choose between parents or become the object of verbal battles, property has to be divided, court costs have to be paid, normal daily routines have to be reconstructed and a many other details have to be dealt with. Though every divorce is the result of sin there is still much pain, sorrow and agony that grips the soul.
Very few people know about the sleepless nights, the anxious moments, the unspoken fears and secret shames those in a failed marriage experience. The moment of remarriage, if and when that happens, gives a false impression to others that “everything is all right” and “the future looks bright!” Not at all. Every divorce has far reaching effects that will overshadow any and all new relationships. Once a person is divorced they are never the same again. Something has been lost. Something has been ripped out. Something has been torn out of the body and spirit. The initial intimacy has been violated and the sin that caused that violation is visited upon others. Unless a person has been divorced or been close to someone who has, it might be difficult to appreciate the wretchedness that the process brings—and that is not bad. Divorce should not be easy. In His infinite wisdom God has built into the natural universe not only moral laws but penalties and natural pain when His divine ideals are not realized. When the principles of marriage are perverted, when faithfulness is not honored, when emotional support is withdrawn, when material support ceases, when physical cruelty replaces promises of tenderness, when physical neglect is obvious, when emotional cruelty causes the heart to cry out in protest, when desertion becomes the determination of the hardened heart then divorce really does become a divine solution to hurting hearts. And with a valid basis for divorce, there is freedom to remarry.
A Pastoral Prayer
For those who might be reading this work and are thinking about getting a divorce, my prayer is that you will think again and ask God for much grace to endure what surely must be a terrible time. You can hope that good will come through long-suffering. Perhaps it will be your testimony with the Psalmist,
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. (Ps.30:5b)
For those who have been divorced, the past is over. Whatever sins the Holy Spirit brings to mind, confess them. (1 John 1:9) If there is some act of reconciliation that can take place, pursue it. Remember that the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from sin.
